October 9th, 2004 - Coming back


Dear Journal,

I realized I had not opened your pages for 2 weeks now. I guess I did not want to go back on sad past circumstances more than I had to. But I find myself at a loss again, so maybe writing will ease up my mind.

I am back teaching dunderheads so as you may have already conclude, I quitted my other job after all. What a shame! But the real shame was the facilities. Not even enough means to buy quality ingredients and equipment! Really, those employees must work miracles. No wonder they are so young, they are easier to keep even under such conditions. This is so unethical from the owners of these research labs. Employees have to be the one making sacrifices to work there instead of the employers. When you want quality products, you must work with quality from the base, not make it out!  The facilities were so unequipped that even if I had taken up the expenses off my salary, I would not have had any extra left. Really!  

Now that I read my last entry, I had not taken my decision yet. Well, I took it the following Monday after much unwanted reflection. The choice was hard: teach dunderheads with appropriate means or work in a more challenging environment with tolerable colleagues without means. I was ready to sacrifice some of my comfort by working far from home, for Hogwarts and Hogmeade are that to me, as well as sacrifice the incredible facilities I worked it while teaching, but I never agreed to sacrifice all of it. And so I chose to come back...

However, to make my coming back worst, the 1st years have attained new levels of recklessness this year. It is a miracle worthy of converting any atheist that nobody was killed yet. And their attitude... it is worst than that arrogant James Potter himself! What's more, this year the Ministry of Magic's Board of Education had allotted an inspector to Hogwarts to serve as monitor or referee between students and teachers so that they did not feel overpowered. Indeed! Those twits do not even grasp the concept of the chance they have of living in a Dark Lord-free world, yet they are always complaining at how unfair we are to them, me especially, so of course they wanted to get back at me now that discussions and arguing were allowed through the Inspector! And they could not complain about my being biased to Slytherin for that has not happened since the death of the Dark Lord! So you see, this was all a front to take control over us and encourage pampering of idiots. What they do not seem to grasp is that if you open discussion for teenagers, they will argue till you drop and nag you forever. This is why I never argue with them.  They should just follow. But with the Headmaster being sick this past August, the Ministry could pass this legislation like a knife through butter! At least they did not make the same mistake twice and did not name another High Inquisitor.  She was only an inspector, but still... I already hated her after two days back here! Fortunately, Albus had promised me he would do his best to get rid of her and prove the futility of her job and it worked.  Other teachers had been annoyed, too but it was only when I came back that they truly saw the ridicule of such a measure by the Ministry.  Indeed, I brought up such strong argument that they could not bury their heads in the sand anymore, we had to react. I was never happier of someone leaving the school before!   

Why do I hate her? Because on my second day back I assigned 12 detentions to my 4th year group in one period for irrational thinking in the classroom (they were not listening and some screwed up their potions) and mere insubordination (some found it in them to argue!), it did not go unnoticed by the Inspector. From then on, I had her on my back asking me semi-diplomatic questions and making half-covered insinuations that my behaviour towards students would not be well received by the Ministry, and that it seemed I was unable to deal with my students with other means than utter oppression.  She was therefore hinting not subtlety at all (God! She would have been snake food in Slytherin) that I actually lacked in effective discipline!  Now I had heard it all!  I lack effective disciplinary measures?! And that would explain why I had to give detentions to 12 students all at once?! Did it not come to her feeble mind just for one second that the fact that children are more and more careless and inattentive in class would cause them to behave like they did?  Oh! Actually, yes it did cross her mind for she kindly said: "Well, maybe I am wrong, but from what I hear..." That is exactly it you moron, what you heard!  Have you ever come to my dungeons? No! Have you ever known Potions to be a field where details could be counted as unimportant in terms of security? No!  Whatever she said, I gave her a piece of my mind. I was still diplomatic though I felt like hexing her on the spot for I knew she could still make trouble for me at the Ministry. So it was just a bad time to wait out, and now since she is not seeing me anymore, there is nothing more she can add to my file! Good riddance!    

Unfortunately, after this experience, I still wonder if staying here is the best solution for me. I feel like my quitting the new job, having to come back here to be the one who could get rid of that inspector are related to faith.  It is hard not to believe so when all seemed perfect once I quitted Hogwarts but then suddenly turned for the worst. And that my coming back gave others the courage to face the situation... it's almost too good to be true. Was it written in Destiny's journal that I would come back?  How I long for a seer friend at times!  Have I made the right decision?  Lupin seems to think so. Minerva looked happier than I ever thought she could demonstrate when she welcomed me back on the main door sill. And Albus, well no need to say he was overjoiced. (sigh) Only the future will tell me if it was the right decision, so until then, I will bide my patience!